Trudy is back and Mum is happy again.

Yesterday Mum was smiling when I walked in. She said she had be bathed 'by the nice lady who did it before'. Mum said she is so gentle with me and I really ejoyed my bath this time.
I had no idea who she was speaking of and Mum just kept saying 'the lady who was here before.
It was Trudy - I thought she was still poorly and did not know she was back at work.
I was delighted when I found out as I know Mum loves her and that Trudy goes in and talks to Mum.

Different subject but I need this out there and it will have an impact on Mum.
I phoned the doctors this morning and Dr Yellon phoned me back. I told him that I cannot take anymore, I will not take anymore. The abuse is hourly now and I just live from one minute to the next.
He has made an appointment for me tomorrow morning to speak to Dr Bell about Ray's behaviour.
I am not going to be fobbed off this time. I am at serious risk here and so is he.
I have made arrangements for my animals should the worst happen as I cannot bear the thought of my dogs going into police kennels.
I would have to get them sorted before calling the police.
If the doctor helps then this can be avoided. Ray can go somewhere where he will get what he needs/wants as he clearly does not get it here and I can live in peace.
It was very hard being with Mum yesterday as instead of rejoycing in her being happy, I was just enhoying the peace of being away from the constant abuse.

So sad, so upsetting so worrying.

After having a terrible day yesterday and then ray kicking off big time this morning - I went to see Mum. She seemed fine and I went to get a drink and saw Tom. He told me that Mum had refused to sit at the table with the other people and Mum went back to her room. They took her dinner to her and she refused and went back to the lounge. By then all the others had finished their meal and left the table so Mum sat and ate her meal alone and was ok. Even Frank seems to be on her list of people she dislikes now and she really liked Frank. Mum doesn't seem to like anyone anymore and her paranoia is frightening.
Her purse is hidden under her pants as she is afraid someone will steal it - it has all of three pounds in it!
She asked if she could come and live with me - someone could come in to look after her and she would help me with the dogs. I nearly broke down. I don't try to explain why it is not possible as she doesn't understand.
I am angry that nothing has been done to help Mum's hearing problems. She cannot hear the tv and today I called her 4 times (I was within 4 feet of her) before she heard me. Last week I saw a carer look very cross with Mum as Mum couldn't hear what she was saying.
How many more fights must I go through to keep Mum safe and cared for the way she deserves to be?

Mum is moving at great speed to the twilight word that is Dementia.

I took Mum's washing back yesterday and after I had put it all away came the part I now dread - talking to my Mum.
Mum stills knows who I am but that is about all. She fears so many things and is paranoid. I cannot re-assure her anymore - I cannot give her the comfort of that re-assurance and it breaks my heart.
Her conversation moves swiftly from one subject to another and I am still trying to work out what she was talking about 5 minutes before.
I look at that still pretty face and remember the laughter - how she would often wet herself laughing - as did I- now it's hard to see a smile.
For months she asked me how my Dad got home. I would say 'from where?' from the war Mum would answer.
Yesteray Mum said that Dad got special leave from Tyree as Mum was very ill in hospital and she said how did he get home? So at least I know which homecoming she is referring to. I just said the army gave him a lift and that seemed to satisfy her - for now.
I wonder where my Mum is.
She keeps having a nightmare - it is horrible but it is not something that ever happened to Mum - something similar happened to me and I think Mum is dreaming of that event and the powerlessness she felt to help me.
Dementia is a cruel, cruel disease - the fear of the sufferers cannot be helped and therefore they live with those fears 24/7.
Spoke to Miguel and he said it will be even more rapid now - what can you say to that - nothing. I just want my Dad to say 'ok gal you have had enough, come with me now'.